Archive for the ‘Los Angeles’ Category

It’s been really tough…

October 1, 2016


Coping since my dad passed. It’s been a little over two years now, and from what I understand the first four years are the roughest. I “talk” to him in my head often, usually when I’m listening to music at night, which is a daily ritual and helps distract from my pain (new readers might not know, I have Ehlers Danlos syndrome & fibromyalgia, both which cause pain).  Don’t think I’ve mentioned that dad and I discovered that we both had the exact same long-term reoccurring dream? Where we’re up on a cliff alongside the ocean, with a thin strip of land with rocks on it below, and we jump off and float down like a feather, flapping our “wings” so we land on the soft sand and not in the water or on a rock. Is that uncanny or what?

So this former book snob (I want to provide the images, not have someone else force them on me) now is a huge movie fan. Some of my all-time favorites are High Fidelity, Princess Bride, Being John Malcovich, Little Miss Sunshine….this list is pretty long.

So my artwork has been suffering due to said depression. I know (too) many people who said they were actually glad when their parents passed, which I find terribly sad. I am working on a new piece, but it’s slow going. (sigh)

I visited my main collector today, Diana Zlotnick. It’s always a pleasure to walk into her mini-museum house. She has fourteen of my pieces, including the latest one. I’m working on a new one that is almost done, but I don’t want to post it until it is finalized, as it were.

p.s. I’ve been enjoying the weekend-only vegan omelets at Suncafe in Studio City. I pay a dollar extra to get the caesar salad, so much better than their mixed greens. Yum, highly recommended and topped with avocado slices!

On and Off with a Tendency Toward On

Day in the life

October 21, 2013

I know I have people who miss my posts, some gonna go ahead and add something before I watch a movie and relax.

I visited the parental units yesterday, my mom thinks that if I have a sleek pantsuit that will help my art career. I’m not sure if it will or not, I think wearing paint splattered pants would get me further along! So we had fun being “girls” – she got me shoes, the pantsuit, two blouses and something else I’m not quite remembering at the moment.


It’s not lost on me that a lot of people that I went to Chouinard with and who are in Diana Zlotnick’s collection are taking off with their careers while I’m just sitting here stagnant. Llyn Foulkes, Norton Wisdom, Mark Dutcher, the list just goes on and on. I’m beginning to feel the same kind of frustration that is widely known that Llyn felt until he made it in a big way recently. But hey I keep doing it because I have no choice, right?

Here’s a new one:


Kateri, 2013, 42″ x 42″ x 1/2″

Finally got the LED panel back from the gallery, I’m going to do what’s called an in situ photograph in a wealthy collectors home (the idea see how quote unquote “nice” myself with looking at their home).


This one is Photoshopped.

To be continued…


Dave Hickey

December 15, 2012

As my man slumbers away (thank gawd on the sofa, so his talking-in-his-sleep/snoring/moaning doesn’t awaken me) I’ve fed the cat, read more from “Air Guitar,” had delicious white coconut creme tea, and done yoga. Not particularly hungry this morning, but then I did eat even more than normal yesterday – actually gained a few pounds, eating lots of vegan Indian food,which I’m sure to lose just as quickly.

Thinking about yesterday – we made the rounds of local Culver City galleries, including Honor Fraser, Blum and Poe, Carter Citizen, etc. – most of the art wasn’t exactly ground-breaking or thought provoking. Disappointing, to say the least – but getting out in the bracing cold and being on the “see and be seen” was good for us both. I didn’t run into Baldessari, which was disappointing, because it seems that happens more than it should – statistically speaking, as he admits to “hardly ever getting out and about.”


“Mr. God”

Been immensely enjoying reading Hickey’s book. Every morning I get excited, wanting to write about some new revelation I’ve had from Air Guitar – and finally this morning found myself motivated enough to actually do it.

“Brakhage told us what we already knew as children of the Cold War, that no matter how hard we tried, we could not be free – thus inviting us, paradoxically, into the rigors of utopian political orthodoxy. Warhol’s film, on the other hand (haircut) told us what we needed to know, that, no matter how hard we tried, we could not be ordered – – that insofar as we were tiny, raggedy, damaged and disorganized human beings, we probably were free, in some small degree, whether we liked it or not. All of this is probably self-evident to anyone who has lived through the last thirty years. The effect of these films on me, on that hot, Texas night, however, was nothing short of cataclysmic.”

This made me think of Carl Jung’s “The Undiscovered Self” – a slim volume I’ve vowed to read and re-read for the rest of my life.

From “Amazon”: In his classic, provocative work, Dr. Carl Jung-one of psychiatry’s greatest minds-argues that the future depends on our ability to resist society’s mass movements. Only by understanding our unconscious inner nature-“the undiscovered self”-can we gain the self-knowledge that is antithetical to ideological fanaticism. But this requires facing the duality of the human psyche-the existence of good and evil in us all. In this seminal book, Jung compellingly argues that only then can we cope and resist the dangers posed by those in power.

I’d say the book is more about influences of culture in all of it’s manifestations – the hierarchy and influence of church, state, corporations (or as Perkins would say, the corporatocracy), etc. – can never truly suppress the individual, who will always prevail. This is antithetical to books like 1984, however Orwellian premonitions of what this culture can ultimately produce if mechanization’s currently in place arrive at their logical conclusion – is a much needed shot off the bow.

Air Guitar is one of those books that came along at just the right time. As a struggling artist who perhaps cares a bit too much about what others think, and who is jockeying in the tumultuous world of Los Angeles – is it really that important to get a gallery? – (my collector sure seems to think so) this book so far (on page 99) is a fresh mountain breeze to a woman who is used to stale smoggy air – even when in the 50’s, which it has been lately.

For the next installation:

The Post Office Incident:

Coming soon…

In lieu of haircut, which I could not find:

Please view even though preview seems gone…

Slept in late…very unusual for me.

June 2, 2012

I slept in until 9:30 a.m. My cats were ALL over me, well, Tazz is cool, Goober is the yeller feller. I’ve got my wireless headphones on ’cause the man is still asleep. We’ve been watching New Years Eve, and he was laughing so much last night I didn’t want him to know I was too out of it to get why; it was a rough week with 90 degree heat and my physical therapist pushing me way too hard and then the chiro – then yesterday acupressure. It’s been quite the week.

And then – I thought I was done with my latest art piece–very stressful because it’s a commission and I have no friggin’ clue if I’ll get paid for it – but it’s worth the gamble – and both B and N ripped me a new one, saying it was nothing but a photo with some decoration around it. They were right. But I was so incredibly mad for a few hours. That also took the  piss out of me. But I have to realize we all make bupkee’s now and then. I’m not always “on”…and I feel like a sell-out. I know I’m not, but I can’t help feeling that way. Play those baby violins…

Arguing with B about $ problems. NOT good. Enough stress for a war-zone. Hope this changes soon…

Now I need to lighten the load with something fun.

I’m still very deeply in love…even more so. Stress or no stress.

outer sanctum

No Berlin show, (sigh)

April 8, 2012

Well, the man is fast asleep snoring in my bedroom, and my kitties are creating weird shadows that startle me as they walk around this sun-soaked cold drafty apartment. Tazzy, 25, has weird tufts of fur underneath her chin as she slowly slurps her wet food. I’m still working on an art piece that was started December 11th, and I’m ready for the ‘draw into it electronically” stage. It wasn’t contrasty enough for my man, so now I guess, like or judge it or not, he’s a part of my process.


We went to see George Condo’s opening at Prism gallery on Sunset near Laurel last night. And later, when Hendrix came up on 89.9 with a song that I couldn’t believe at first it was him; I realized JH is a prism.

The show was horribly disappointing. Condo, talented, very; so derivative. All those trendy peeps attending so stuffy and Hollyweird. Every young woman there had 4″ designer heels on; I showed up with cat-furred clothes and athletic shoes and was still, oddly, taller than these model-type air-brushed wimmins. Glad I didn’t take Diana; she would have ripped Condo a new one in front of everyone and embarrassed B & me. Ripping Picasso, Dali, oh gawd the list goes on. I think we came up with at least five or six artists he riffed on. (yawn). But at least I showed up for an opening, drove home after dark; and did it all on a day where I did my p-t exercises which normally wreck me to bits.

C had a rough day yesterday. Her man, who I feel (wrongly, I know) wholly responsible for introducing them; broke her heart. She said my eyes were pretty when I cried about it. She fed me awesome food that was very similar to what I had cooked for B and me yesterday morning. Onions, tofu, garlic, rice, beans, corn, garlic toast, hash browns, organic white coconut creme tea with unsweetened vanilla almond milk. We always have Chinese hot sauce, ketchup, and salsa to go with it all. And I always eat so roughly food flies in the air and lands on the floor.

I can’t help but think about C. She had her heart broke yesterday with a fuckin’ TEXT message.


I sit, among the folds at dawn. And wish to speak-
“I won’t stay long.” Guarded propensity, back flash wet
Your lung breath perennial, my two legs dangle,
Wait, muteness, ah, the blankets warm

In that place where my lover
Used to lie.


March 30, 2012

Aside from my male kitty, who is sitting on my lap. My guy is running errands and I have a few blessed moments of total privacy. I was talking with my friend Cindy recently, saying to her that I didn’t feel that I could have the conversation in private, and she said “oh I remember those days well.” She was married to and has been divorced now for several years. I’m can be calling her and about 10 min., I hope I can have a private conversation then. (p.s. – this did NOT work out…) 🙂

I have been invited to participate in a Berlin gallery show! and for once, it’s not a “vanity” show, where they want you to pay usually around $3500. That is what the Florence biennial wanted from me, and although it’s very flattering, who can afford that? I get invites in my inbox every day for vanity shows!!!

So busy, so little time…little did I realize that being an artist was all-consuming. Who knew?

Well I have to get “back to it…” Somebody for something fun and then get back to the art – the BUSINESS of art!

Sometimes I feel like I lead a charmed life…

December 10, 2011

Esp. now that a beautiful, inside and out, man is in my life. I honestly thought I’d never have a man in my life for the rest of my life, because what man would put up with a disabled person who “shuts the world out” with pain every day at 4 p.m.? Wow is that changing (love chemicals do wonders for the bod/brain!)

He knows I’m a cancer survivor and that I have Ehlers Danlos syndrome and fibromyalgia and he doesn’t give a fig. I think I might have mentioned how we met…he curated Doppelganger into a show at the Last Bookstore in downtown LA. For me it was love at first sight. He was too busy doing his curator thing to think much about the attraction, but Cindy, who was there, said there was chemistry flying both directions. It was mutual.

A funny thing…he curated “Doppelganger” (the light box) into the show, and he is a doppelganger of Ryan Gosling. Last week I googled Ryan and looked closely at Brad (name changed to protect the innocent) and Ryan and my gawd the only difference was slightly darker hair color on Brad. Well, als0, B is 6’6″ vs. Ryan’s 6’1″. Dreamy…sorry, but I’m 5’10” and my whole life have dated men shorter than myself. So this is nice for a change! 😀

Things are going well with the Janis piece. It should be in light box form next week. I will then ship it to this music place that I HOPE will “see the light” (pun intended) because they didn’t like the small jpg on a  monitor. My agent has good feelings they will. Life couldn’t be more exciting/adventurous right now! And on top of everything else, I get to eat tons of food all day and I don’t gain weight (please don’t hate me). I may be in chronic pain, but every day I wake up and think, “in this life, I get to be an artist!” And hopefully at some point I can look back and say “I remember my lean years…” – and they will be gone forever.

Here’s the piece I met B through…

Melisma’s Pearl

November 19, 2011

My latest piece…called Melisma’s Pearl (Janis Joplin).

I have chosen to temporarily delete this piece due to possible commission sales. So sorry!This is my most recent piece, a tribute to Janis Joplin. Next I’m going to do one for Jimi Hendrix, then the Doors, and then another woman, perhaps Lucinda Williams or someone else who is still alive and kicking! This piece has been a true labor lf love. I’ had 66 iterations of the piece before it was finally done, 14 weeks after I started it. I read Ann Angel’s book “Janis Joplin” and took copious notes, so the piece literally has about forty “hidden” references that would only be able to be seen once it realizes it’s true vision, 48″ square and back lit.

This is Lucinda Williams tribute song to Janis.

Things are going well on the BF front, though the honeymoon is definitely over after a huge fight. Things worked out okay, I think he was just freaked out that he’s falling for me. My shrink agrees. She said it’s typical for men who fall and then get freaked and scared and don’t want to be hurt. He’s super busy so I hope I can see him today, I’m TOTALLY in love. It’s funny: Louis Bougoise had said about artists “an artist is born that way, not made. They are born that way. There is very little you can do for them.” I guess the same could be said for those of us who fall in love.

Another one bites the dust!!!

I should clean my place up a bit. Looks like a tornado hit in here! When a museum curator visited recently I was telling another artist/curator/writer friend that I was worried about all the clutter. She said “leave it. It lends you credibility. Curators are used to seeing this, because most artists just do the art and the clutter accumulates. Don’t clean up.” I didn’t!!!

But now I need to. Auuuughhhh!!!

p.s. Totally into the OWS movement, went a couple of weeks ago with the BF, and am going to occupy LACMA tomorrow. Not against LACMA per se, just symbolic of a protest against the cutting of funding to arts programs. If you’re in LA it’s from 2-6. If you see me come introduce yourself!!!


October 15, 2011

Although I know I accomplished a lot today it feels like I did nothing.  I suppose I’m not the only one to feel this way after a long day. Oh…and I forgot to do my physical therapy exercises. Man…I should go do that now. But I don’t feel like it.

My cleaning lady was supposed to come today. But she couldn’t…which is just as well. Clutter everywhere. I’m not supposed to bend, kneel, lift, or sit or stand for more than twenty minutes. It really sucks. How do I live a clutter free existence under these circumstances? Impossible.

10/15/11 update (the above was written May 7!!! It’s been a while…between taxes, a new bf that I have, and the new art I’m doing for a rather large corporation involved with music, I haven’t had time to turn around, much less do my blog. I guess it’s just as well I don’t inundate people with lots of blogs. Everyone I know is both poor and busy.

So yes…I have a new man in my life. He is 6’6 and has a French last name like me. We met as my fantasy dictated:through the local Los Angeles art scene. We have loads in common, including art, music, and books. And no…he’s NOT a vegan. Oh well, can’t win ’em all! He’ll be here any time so I should wrap this up. I don’t want to post the piece I’m working on ’cause it’s only 50% done. This piece is the most challenging work yet for me. I do versions – I start with the date and then go a-z. This one is up to 8_29_z14!!! That’s how much time I’ve put into it. cRaZy!!!!!


The road steeps upward

Sidewall –

Bricks of wet pink.

Low branches splatter with

dew eyelash I run.

You don’t have to be religious…

September 8, 2011

To enjoy this.

I just love this band. Of course it sounds better comin’ through the speakers, esp. if you have some old tube equipment and good speakers/placement. But nothing beats live in an acoustically great setting, right?

Anyways I have this great story. I call it “Love LA.”

Gotta love LA. First I go to Taschen in Farmers Market, then the one in Beverly Hills, they don’t have what I want. Then I go to Book Soup on the Sunset Strip and they have too much of what I want. Then I stop back at the Farmers Market, and a guy walks up to me (he looked like he might be homeless) and says “I have a solution for ALL of your problems.” “Yeah?” I said. “Lose your brassiere, he says. WOW! Wish I would have known about this years ago – imagine!!!!!

p.s. my answer to him: “No, it would answer all of YOUR problems.”

I plan on writing my autobiography. Reading Patti Smith’s “Just Kids” has got me going. She is a prodigious talent in my view. So inspiring.

Well back to my exercising/reading for now.

Now I’m working on a commissioned piece. And everything in the world related to this particular person who is the *star* of my piece is rolling into my lap. I can’t talk about it, it’s “highly sensitive,” and fun to do, but a tad of a bummer ’cause it’s taking me away from my ‘real’ work. What can you do/say? Auuuughhhh….