Archive for the ‘Hypnotherapy’ Category

Working on new piece, fun!

November 8, 2010

Learned more about synesthesia today from Brennan Smith. Here is what he had to say:

“People access synesthesia through altered states, whether natural or drug-induced or trance-induced. For a non-natural synesthete we will
often request a seemingly non-sensical synesthesia response as a way to deepen the trance, because only the sub-conscious is capable of
responding to a suggestion such as “notice the blue color of the sky and how that color tastes refreshing and clean as you smell it.” It’s delightful!”

This was in response to a question about synesthesia “being available to everyone” but some have it naturally “all the time” (me). It seemed to increase after being shocked while pulling out my refrigerator plug yesterday (replaced the frig, boy was I overdue for that!). Crazy hallucinations that seemed to be based on colors, textures, etc. from my latest piece.

I thought how weird and wonderful my life is. I went to Cindy’s today and brought her an unusually shaped tumbleweed for her art. She gives me great source material from FIDM where she works, and I give her odds and ends I find on the street. Seem to remember doing that with F & X way back when, industrial type materials in – can’t remember the name of the city, but lots of “industrial waste.” I’ve been telling Cindy we need to talk to X and F and figure out where that is to go “treasure hunting.”

Well big day, very pooped. Want to watch my movie and then get a book list together soon, F your request. Will do! So many books, so little time. Want to read Dave Hickey’s “Air Guitar” soon. Gotta love DH!!!

Kitties crying out for attention, to be continued!

A great scene from “Being John Malcovich”

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Pretty funny…

September 24, 2010

Bill Cosby “There’s a nut in every car”

So my ears feel mucho better after seeing the ENT last night. HUGE plug of ear wax in right ear, took them forever to get it out, and when the last of it came out it flew out of my ear, spinning through the air in a tumble much like an acrobat, and landed on my right leg. “In all my years of doing this, this is a first!” exclaimed the nurse. “Oh honey, I’m the queen of firsts, trust me,” I responded (very much the truth). From my blood type to my Meyers Brigg personality test, and a huge assortment of other things, I’m what I call the “1% rule.”

So another beautiful morning, sun shining bright, blue skies through the windows!!! A first for weeks, it’s been mostly overcast and cold. It was up to 80 yesterday. I even had (or felt compelled) to turn on the a/c last night. TG Tejung is coming by this morning, couldn’t see the chiro last night and I can hardly walk. Right femur feels like it threatens to pop out of it’s socket. Fun!

Enough of that! Had a wonderful session with the hypno tape this morning, feeling so refreshed and optimistic! And everyone is complementing me on the new haircut, saying I look younger and prettier, of course I hate that! Ahem…

To be continued as I get ready for Mr. TJ…

TJ and I got on youtube so since I was there anyways I grabbed this on Dave Hickey

Thought this might be good too (good artists make bad students). Makes me glad I don’t have an MFA!

Hmmmm…

September 22, 2010

(I love radiohead – I would LOVE to do an album cover for them (sigh)  – one reason to create ‘square art’.

Life is so strange sometimes. Getting compared to these amazing artists, and feeling (blush) awfully weird about it. I learned recently that (a/c my therapist) I don’t “own” the amount of hard work I’ve done to achieve what I have. Worked on this with Brennan Smith (as you probably know who read this regularly) my hypnotherapist. Looking forward to hearing the tape tomorrow morning.

I’m very tired but happy – got a new haircut and rec’d a lot of compliments from my neighbors (telling me how terrible my hair looked b/4 – I knew but still hilarious!) So will post a song and an image and will watch a movie and crash!

There’s a VERY WEIRD story behind this image, to be continued…

OK, I have a busy day so will make this short. This guy (Panto) promised me $1000 for a unique commission piece. He insisted I use his photograph (above) as the basis for the piece.

I hated the photo, but heck, for $1,000, I’ll do it, right? So took hours making this  unphotogenic  guy looking semi-“good” was not easy. And playing that instrument? Not my choice by far. But I did the best I could with what I had. Then…after being told repeatedly he would spend $1,000 for it, he came by and loved it, and offered me $20 for it (it costs me more to print them). I said “you understand it costs me more to print this, I’ve already printed two test prints, and so, in sum, you’re asking me to pay you to gift you with this art?” He them stuttered “well, I’m a poor man, I can’t give you more then $25 for it).

Was that a learning lesson for me or what?

Never again…(chalk it up to the learning path that one takes when leading this lifestyle).

Well, I figured it out. Why it’s hard for me to “own” my hard work. Like most things, it goes back to childhood wounds. My mother, who I am very close with now, and who by all accounts had things worse then me (her mother was wrapped up in this whole “descending from California pioneers” thing) was by all accounts “pawned off” on her older sister (10 years her senior). So she was essentially abandoned. I’m reading this book now called “The Drama of the Gifted Child” by Alice Miller at the suggestion of B. She talks about how child abuse is “condoned” by society. At least my mom tried – she read (all of a sudden I forget this guy’s name) but he had a “spare the rod and spoil the child” attitude. So when me and my two brothers cried we were ignored, and my mom thought that was the right thing to do. I remember now, it’s Dr. Spock. That book was so well-worn from reading by mom it was falling apart.

So anyways, I figured out that, having been denied an ability to express myself as a child and been taken seriously and supported, I equate “owning” my expression with death (fear of displeasing the parent and losing one’s life, kind of like as a small child if the parent walked out of the room the child equates that with ‘death’. This reminds me of something Louis Bougjoise says (sp?) about having “entered the world by displeasing the parent – her dad would yell “Everybody wants a boy!!! Nobody wants a girl!!! I want a boy who will dress like me and take my name and be like me.”

So….now that I’m aware of this I can work on changing my attitude, in conjunction with Brennan’s & B’s help. I guess from what B has said we cannot magically “undo” these old childhood wounds, which are stored in the brain’s amygdala. So that accounts for my dream that seemed so negative recently after having such positive dreams (I lost Tazzy in the dream and had lots of things happen badly that I could not control).

Just a quick poem…

September 15, 2010

And song…

Tired, LONGLONGLONG day but got so much done…amazing. I do seem to be feeling better with the B tapes!

btw love church gospel music and will soon explain my own rather hmmmm…how to explain…spiritually. F said it was a good idea, I agree…

The Road

Smelt

Swelt incense such falling air

Sky distant,       hanging,      patchy

Clear looming black fir tree

Back settled Black Crows, swelled Over

Rustled three, and four times

Cold house yellow dreamed

My legs walked on

Mortality

September 13, 2010

Dealing with issues of mortality now that parents are in their 80’s and Tazzy is 24, Goober 13 or 14. All considered seniors by normal standards. So I told Brennan Smith, my hypnotherapist, I want a new session to help me deal with this issues, I LOVE his quote:

Grieving can be an amazing blossoming / unfolding experience when you take ownership of mortality’s silliness and celebrate the temporal nature of things!

Isn’t that great? I love that…”celebrate the temporal nature of things.” So true, and really, the contrast is what makes life all the more interesting and worthwhile, right? Without night how could we appreciate the day, and voisa-visa (as Bugs Bunny would say). Speaking of which, I love a great Bugs cartoon, so will put one in here before leaving!

Artslant’s owner Rod Turner just sent me a very flattering email re: my work, and, I got an invite to have work in a group show, what a lovely day this has turned out to be! I should celebrate with an ice-blended mocha with a cherry on top. Think I will, why not?

One of my favs…I have the soundtrack on one of my compilation CD’s. Well, Warner Bros. removed the content due to “copyright infringement” so hope at least a few of you were able to enjoy it before it flew into the ether!

Well lost ‘Hillbilly Hare” but this one is good too…

AND…I found this incredibly bizarre cartoon. I think someone has definitely tasted LSD and had plenty of time on their hands!!! But I love it, even though it pissed a lot of people off (lots of negative comments, oh well!) I HAVE tried LSD, so maybe that’s why I like it!

Had a great day with DZ today…

September 4, 2010

Caravan

Diana Z’s birthday was yesterday, so I suggested we get together today. Since the weather is 101 today her suggestion to “take it easy” was perfect. So we had lunch at the Daily Grill (funny, she really snapped at the waiters who kept on screwing up my very simple order of side dishes – “YOU DON’T LISTEN!!!”) giving truth to a stereotype about people “of a certain age.” There is something to that though, about a lot (if not most) people not having good listening skills. When I think of my friends, I feel there are all good listeners. F especially, she really remembers details and asks questions like nobody else. Yes I know you are reading this F! It’s true.

Anyhow I brought her a copy of Herb and Dorothy for a birthday present, and a cute little card. Then we came home and she read out of a book about Andy Warhol where he had been given advice to paint the soup cans (I had heard about this not being his original idea) and it made me think about a woman I read about in Artillery magazine lately who said Andy never gave her credit for her part in creating his films. Am I surprised??? NOOOOOOOO.

Then I wanted to make sure the movie worked correctly, and she could watch it (she forgets how to operate the DVD player, like my parents do) so we started watching it, and then I started feeling tired – between the heat and my getting up at 5:00 a.m. I knew I’d like to get home. Plus Tazz is having a rough time in the evenings some nights and then I don’t get sleep all the night through.

Had a weird dream last night. I was swimming in the ocean with a man, we were kissing under the water and swimming like dolphins. I realized with alarm that someone was swimming ahead of us who had urinated, but I also realized that it wasn’t negative, it was just symbolic (yes I realized something was symbolic in my dream!!!) of release!!! Wow – that’s a first. First I dream I invented time travel and now this. Thanks Brennan Smith!!!

I just wish I were really kissing someone right now. Been way too long…

Bought a new feather toy for the kids. Guess it’s too hot, even in the air conditioned apartment, for them to be much interested. Goobs played a little bit though. Tazz just seems interested in sitting on Max’s old pillow. She sure loves his pillow (and Goobs loves his old bed). Stepped in dog diarrhea in the pet store. The price we pay for our precious beans!!!

If the electricity ever goes in my place I am going to be in the shit hole. Where would I be without my music and computer? Speaking of which my calendar program crashed, so I really should start fixing that and stop typing in this blog (which has become quite addicting). Then watch the movie I’m currently enjoying, “Me and Orson Wells.”

Lari Pittman on aesthetics

August 31, 2010

I can relate to this. The increased benefits of the hypnotherapy has led to a dramatic increase in my efficiency in terms of cleaning and organizing my space, therefore empowering the decision making and ability to create and even to “master” my environment in much improved ways unimaginable not that long ago.

Here’s something I dug up from an old VOX post:

Wow what a weekend I had. Wrote a lot about it then my computer crashed. Oh well….

First I went to David Coon’s house. He’s the guy that scans my art, and he turned me onto Nash Editions. He is the basis for the book/movie “Nudist on the late shift” – a true story about how Disney let him work nude after 10 p.m. He’s that brilliant (programmer for their secret animation process and color engineer)…

I arrived a bit early, and David’s girlfriend (I didn’t realize he had one so soon after his breakup with his wife) Sue was obviously very comfortable with setting things up, like she lived there. Well, I found out later she does, for a month or so at a time, in between data warehousing gigs!

I’ve decided to trash that last piece of art. I might try to revive it from an earlier stage…it’s refreshing, actually, to do a bupkee.I DID however, do an awesome compilation tihs morning, with some of my favorite artists and a few new people like the Delgados. I had an file that was corrupted, so I just ordered a new one from Amazon for 99 cents. So glad I don’t have to go to Itunes. Decided never to order an album again after getting a Rufus Wainright and not being thrilled with every song (so far there’s only two that I like from the whole album). This new model for music distribution is cool. I never thought I’d say that.

Anyway I think I need a little break from art for a while. And I need to sell it for $$$$ – so sick of getting accolades but no sales. My neighbor wants one “free”, even though I’ve already given her a limited framed edition for free. I guess it’s time I stop being a chump.

The weather today is coolish. Had some cool dreams this morning that I don’t remember. Been doing that a lot lately. Made my juice this morning, as well as a salad, first time I’ve done that in WAY too long. Sent an email to Rex Bruce last night explaining that it’s cool if I don’t get juried in, of course what I really want is a solo show.

The weekend was fun, I met a guy that I “forgot” I knew, Larry, for tea and a bite of food. I think I already spoke in a previous blog about how I thought I was calling the mold guy and got a lawyer instead. An environmental lawyer who fights big corporations that do toxic waste dumps, which is cool. That went ok (I’m don’t have chemistry with him in *that way*, but I do really enjoy his company, we had a relaxed, fun time and joked a lot). I then went to an opening of Cindy & Keith’s over at SOPA gallery, coinciding with the Pasadena artwalk. I bumped into Diane – she and her pals wanted to go listen to live jazz. I bumped into Joseph De Mario there, which was a bit awkward. I said “hey lets let bygones be bygones, ok?” He replied “I don’t hold grudges.” When I told Cindy that she couldn’t stop laughing. Yeah. After telling me the only reason he doesn’t get attention for his art and I do is “he doesn’t have a pussy.” The fact that he, after all this time, still thinks I’m in the wrong, is very revealing. Can’t even own up to his part in that (and yes, I gave him plenty of opportunity to apologize, and instead I got vituperous, nasty emails and voicemails). I guess you can’t always win, although burning people in the art world is not my desire or intention. The more you’re in the art world, the smaller it gets.

Anyhoo Sunday was fun, although I was dead tired when the day was done. Didn’t get home til’ late. This Sunday is a party over at Diana’s for Michael Arata. Have a few more pieces for Diana too. She’s going to have quite a few by the time we’re done. Now I just need by neighbor to buy one!

It was, it was. I lost a very important memento, the cabinet card of my great-grandfather’s sculpture that was in the agricultural building of the 1893 world’s fair (see below). I was walking on a windy day to my therapists office and it must have flipped in the wind and fell out of the bag I was carrying it in. I know what happened…I saw a young man stop, put his hands in his pockets while smiling at me. When he first caught my eye I saw his eyes look up, then follow something down to the ground. He knew he wanted it and saw the opportunity. He got it.

It’s too bad a lot of people steal. He’ll never know how important this is to me. At least I have a scanned copy of it.
It could be worse. But the loss is tremendous, but I’m his great-granddaughter, and I’m also an artist, like he was. It meant a lot for that reason.

I’ve been suffering with a heat wave that hit SoCal very hard, putting the temp in the valley over 107 for two days in a row. Been hard to sleep.

I’m in Diana Zlotnick’s newsletter three times in a row!