Esp. now that a beautiful, inside and out, man is in my life. I honestly thought I’d never have a man in my life for the rest of my life, because what man would put up with a disabled person who “shuts the world out” with pain every day at 4 p.m.? Wow is that changing (love chemicals do wonders for the bod/brain!)
He knows I’m a cancer survivor and that I have Ehlers Danlos syndrome and fibromyalgia and he doesn’t give a fig. I think I might have mentioned how we met…he curated Doppelganger into a show at the Last Bookstore in downtown LA. For me it was love at first sight. He was too busy doing his curator thing to think much about the attraction, but Cindy, who was there, said there was chemistry flying both directions. It was mutual.
A funny thing…he curated “Doppelganger” (the light box) into the show, and he is a doppelganger of Ryan Gosling. Last week I googled Ryan and looked closely at Brad (name changed to protect the innocent) and Ryan and my gawd the only difference was slightly darker hair color on Brad. Well, als0, B is 6’6″ vs. Ryan’s 6’1″. Dreamy…sorry, but I’m 5’10″ and my whole life have dated men shorter than myself. So this is nice for a change!
Things are going well with the Janis piece. It should be in light box form next week. I will then ship it to this music place that I HOPE will “see the light” (pun intended) because they didn’t like the small jpg on a monitor. My agent has good feelings they will. Life couldn’t be more exciting/adventurous right now! And on top of everything else, I get to eat tons of food all day and I don’t gain weight (please don’t hate me). I may be in chronic pain, but every day I wake up and think, “in this life, I get to be an artist!” And hopefully at some point I can look back and say “I remember my lean years…” – and they will be gone forever.
My latest piece…called Melisma’s Pearl (Janis Joplin).
I have chosen to temporarily delete this piece due to possible commission sales. So sorry!This is my most recent piece, a tribute to Janis Joplin. Next I’m going to do one for Jimi Hendrix, then the Doors, and then another woman, perhaps Lucinda Williams or someone else who is still alive and kicking! This piece has been a true labor lf love. I’ had 66 iterations of the piece before it was finally done, 14 weeks after I started it. I read Ann Angel’s book “Janis Joplin” and took copious notes, so the piece literally has about forty “hidden” references that would only be able to be seen once it realizes it’s true vision, 48″ square and back lit.
This is Lucinda Williams tribute song to Janis.
Things are going well on the BF front, though the honeymoon is definitely over after a huge fight. Things worked out okay, I think he was just freaked out that he’s falling for me. My shrink agrees. She said it’s typical for men who fall and then get freaked and scared and don’t want to be hurt. He’s super busy so I hope I can see him today, I’m TOTALLY in love. It’s funny: Louis Bougoise had said about artists “an artist is born that way, not made. They are born that way. There is very little you can do for them.” I guess the same could be said for those of us who fall in love.
Another one bites the dust!!!
I should clean my place up a bit. Looks like a tornado hit in here! When a museum curator visited recently I was telling another artist/curator/writer friend that I was worried about all the clutter. She said “leave it. It lends you credibility. Curators are used to seeing this, because most artists just do the art and the clutter accumulates. Don’t clean up.” I didn’t!!!
But now I need to. Auuuughhhh!!!
p.s. Totally into the OWS movement, went a couple of weeks ago with the BF, and am going to occupy LACMA tomorrow. Not against LACMA per se, just symbolic of a protest against the cutting of funding to arts programs. If you’re in LA it’s from 2-6. If you see me come introduce yourself!!!
Although I know I accomplished a lot today it feels like I did nothing. I suppose I’m not the only one to feel this way after a long day. Oh…and I forgot to do my physical therapy exercises. Man…I should go do that now. But I don’t feel like it.
My cleaning lady was supposed to come today. But she couldn’t…which is just as well. Clutter everywhere. I’m not supposed to bend, kneel, lift, or sit or stand for more than twenty minutes. It really sucks. How do I live a clutter free existence under these circumstances? Impossible.
10/15/11 update (the above was written May 7!!! It’s been a while…between taxes, a new bf that I have, and the new art I’m doing for a rather large corporation involved with music, I haven’t had time to turn around, much less do my blog. I guess it’s just as well I don’t inundate people with lots of blogs. Everyone I know is both poor and busy.
So yes…I have a new man in my life. He is 6’6 and has a French last name like me. We met as my fantasy dictated:through the local Los Angeles art scene. We have loads in common, including art, music, and books. And no…he’s NOT a vegan. Oh well, can’t win ‘em all! He’ll be here any time so I should wrap this up. I don’t want to post the piece I’m working on ’cause it’s only 50% done. This piece is the most challenging work yet for me. I do versions – I start with the date and then go a-z. This one is up to 8_29_z14!!! That’s how much time I’ve put into it. cRaZy!!!!!
I just love this band. Of course it sounds better comin’ through the speakers, esp. if you have some old tube equipment and good speakers/placement. But nothing beats live in an acoustically great setting, right?
Anyways I have this great story. I call it “Love LA.”
Gotta love LA. First I go to Taschen in Farmers Market, then the one in Beverly Hills, they don’t have what I want. Then I go to Book Soup on the Sunset Strip and they have too much of what I want. Then I stop back at the Farmers Market, and a guy walks up to me (he looked like he might be homeless) and says “I have a solution for ALL of your problems.” “Yeah?” I said. “Lose your brassiere, he says. WOW! Wish I would have known about this years ago – imagine!!!!!
p.s. my answer to him: “No, it would answer all of YOUR problems.”
I plan on writing my autobiography. Reading Patti Smith’s “Just Kids” has got me going. She is a prodigious talent in my view. So inspiring.
Well back to my exercising/reading for now.
Now I’m working on a commissioned piece. And everything in the world related to this particular person who is the *star* of my piece is rolling into my lap. I can’t talk about it, it’s “highly sensitive,” and fun to do, but a tad of a bummer ’cause it’s taking me away from my ‘real’ work. What can you do/say? Auuuughhhh….
Started reading Patti Smith’s and it’s got me energized. I’ve always been told I write well, and my life is such a odd turn of events everyone who has ever known me well in my life has told me the same thing:
YOU HAVE TO WRITE AN AUTOBIOGRAPHY.
So I will start tonight. Hoping to get software that I can speak to, because typing hurts (rotator cuff tear).
My art is in three separate events now. Two gallery exhibitions, and an auction. I will post a link at the bottom of this post. I am starting a new piece, even though I SHOULD be doing taxes. Ugh! I’m addicted to making art.
Now for something interesting…
His work seems quite amazing. Wow. That’s all I cay say. Wow.
I’ve done a new piece. Exhausted as I’ve overdone things in horrible humid heat this weekend. But lots of great news to report, working with a musician for a possible t-shirt and cd cover, etc. And have done a new piece that I’m still “finessing”. But here is a preliminary version of it. I will be updating more details about the failed experience with the “guy” I wrote about last (will I ever find a new love interest?) and other meanderings. Working on a new poem too. Life is looking good! And I want to bring more beauty to a world that has more than its share of pain.
I think I’ve just been to busy with LIFE. But I love to blog. The above is my favorite Cardigans song, or at least it’s up there…
I met a man my friend played *cupid* with us yesterday. I haven’t had zits on my face for over 15 years, and now my right cheek is full of ‘em. And my left cheek has a HUGE bruise from my last dentist visit (he pinched my cheek way too hard while giving me the Novocaine injection.
So I told him in advance b/4 his visit that I had zits and a bruise on my face. Hey…if he’s gonna let that affect his feelings about me who needs him, right?
He was supposed to meet me at 1:00 p.m. and we were to eat lunch at a restaurant. Well, as it turns out, it took him two hours to travel 20 miles. The 405 was shut down and for some weird reason the traffic spilled out on the 101. I don’t get that AT ALL because they run north south and east west, it seems to make NO sense. So he was in stop and go traffic for hours, poor guy. I revised my plans, went with my best hunches and intuition, and fixed us lunch in my place. Something I would normally NEVER do. But it turned out fine. He was a true gentlemen, helping me put up my water and do some other tasks I can’t accomplish because of my health limitations. We had a lunch of enchiladas, salad consisting of romaine lettuce, kalamada olives, capers, red onions, green onions, cilantro, and avocado (I think that was everything); corn on the cob, rice, and beans. He was ravenous and ate everything. We also had white coconut creme tea (everything was organic, except the guac we dipped our chips in).
We share a lot of common interests. He has the same political and theological beliefs as I do. I think the main difference between us is I don’t get into astrology and numerology. But who cares, right? It doesn’t matter. He’s an artist too, and his work is absolutely superb. He devised this system of pulleys and a trampoline like structure to pour the paint onto canvases. He described how he invented this system – I guess another artist in the 50′s came up with something similar – but at the time he didn’t know about the other artist who did this. The work is very beautiful. I want to try to introduce him to some peeps who might help out his career.
There was definitely chemistry between us. And he doesn’t seem to mind that I have EDS and “shut the world out” in pain around 4-5 p.m. every day. Most men would run so fast in the other direction you wouldn’t have time to breath. I think his admiration for my art (and perhaps a few other things, ahem) overrides my health limitations. He lives pretty far away, he was visiting LA for his father (for this father’s day – happy FD, all you father’s out there) so he squeezed in a visit with me. We listened to music and he saw my light box work and other works. He in particular likes my self portraits. I will post his fav one at the end of this post. I’m always surprised by which works people like or dislike. He was pretty blunt with the art that did ‘nothing’ for him vs. the pieces he liked. He has a thing for the color blue (I do too). Most men seem to like blue and orange. I wonder which colors most women like? Blue was my fav color growing up but now I’m all over the map…I like them all. But I might not care for the new piece I’m doing, it looks like it might be a giant belly flop (it has a pale yellow background. I guess we all have to have our occasional belly-flops, right?
Anyhow I hope to hear from him soon. Wish me luck, right? I’ve been alone for a little over three years now. And I’m lonely! Most of the time okay, but occ. just miss that human touch…
Here’s his favorite self portrait, On and Off with a Tendency toward On…
I think I’d like to post something I have on my website already but would like to re-post for those who may not have seen it.
On Synchronicity, Carl Jung, and the power of your mind.
My friend Cynthia Paige Aaron (a friend and exceptional assemblage artist) came over last Saturday, January 6th ‘07. I was extremely tired, but needed good company as I was feeling rather low that day. I knew seeing her would cheer me up!
As it turns out, not only did it cheer me up, it restored my faith as concerns my health. Let me explain…
We were discussing Carl Jung. A book he wrote in 1962 – Memories, Dreams, Reflections – had been sitting facing her on her bedroom shelf unnoticed for over a year. She woke up and was startled she hadn’t seemed to ‘notice’ it before. I had finished reading his work “The Undiscovered Self”, written in 1957 – the book might as well have been written yesterday. I’ve vowed to re-read that book every year for the rest of my days.
I digress. Cindy and I ate lunch, and started discussing photography – she rec’d a camera from her husband for Xmas – and we discovered we both were doing the same thing, creating wild ‘light shows’ with a longer exposure at night. I showed her some of my best ones, right when Keith Ullrich, the artist who recommended me to Chouinard’s Dialogue group, called.
I explained to Keith all these intriguing coincidences…
1. The group rec’d an email from Vivian Flynn saying her and her husband acquired two new members of their family (cats), named Man Ray and Penumbra. I had, just the day before, submitted a poem titled “Penumbra” to the website “Right Hand Pointing”. I discovered this site because I googled my name and “art”; it turns out “Melissa Lambert” is featured on their main page. Note: Cindy also has a cat named Man Ray.
2. After discussing the photography, I went to my ‘art-bookshelf’ to retrieve the book I learned the exposure technique from. I know that shelf like the back of my hand, all the titles and where. “What the heck is this?” I exclaimed, while pulling out a skinny book I completely forgotten I owned – an exhibition book on Man Ray from LACMA, 1966.
3. During the phone call w/ Keith he stopped talking. I was very concerned for his health, as his voice sounded distorted and weak. He finally explained that a loud ‘report’ had happened, an ‘unbelievably loud’ noise when a green onion split in half in his kitchen! I had just finished telling Cindy about Carl’s infamous “loud report” in his argument with Freud. I have taken the liberty to copy the following text from dhushara’s website:
“It is interesting to note that Jung had experience of certain ‘phenomena’ even in the presence of the arch-sceptic Freud, and that they presaged the break in his relation with Freud. He describes how, in 1909, he and Freud argued about psychical phenomena, and Freud’s shallow positivism annoyed Jung. He writes: “While Freud was going on this way, I had a curious sensation. It was as if my diaphragm were made of iron and were becoming red-hot, a glowing vault. And at that moment there was such a loud report in the bookcase, which stood right next to us, that we both started up in alarm, fearing that the thing was going to topple over on us. I said to Freud: ‘There, that is an example of a so-called catalytic exteriorisation phenomenon.’ ‘Oh come, he exclaimed, ‘that is sheer bosh.’ ‘It is not , I replied. ‘You are mistaken, Herr Professor. And to prove my point, I now predict that in a moment there will be another loud report!’ Sure enough, no sooner had I said the words than the same detonation went off in the bookcase. To this day I do not know what gave me this certainty. But I knew beyond all doubt that the report would come again . . .” (Wilson C 478).
“Consider synchronistic phenomena, premonitions, and dreams that come true. I recall one time during the Second World War when I was returning home from Bollingen. I had a book with me, but could not read, for the moment the train started to move I was overpowered by the image of someone drowning. This was a memory of an accident that had happened while I was on military service. During the entire journey I could not rid myself of it. It struck me as uncanny, and I thought, What has happened? Can there have been an accident?” I got out at- Erlenbach and walked home, still troubled by this memory. My second daughter’s children were in the garden. The family was living with us, having returned to Switzerland from Paris because of the war. The children stood looking rather upset, and when I asked, ” Why, what is the matter?” they told me that Adrian, then the youngest of the boys, had fallen into the water in the boathouse. It is quite deep there, and since he could not really swim he had almost drowned. His older brother had fished him out. This had taken place at exactly the time I had been assailed by that memory in the train. The unconscious had given me a hint.” (Jung C 1963 333)”
4. Cindy just emailed and reminded me the following: She had two dreams the previous night that involved stone walls. Later, reading the Jung book, she came across the passage about his experience of building a small city of stone after his wife died. Then later, Cindy noticed the stone wall in my “public works” photo (unfortunately it’s a pic not shown on my website, though I may post it later).
This topic absolutely fascinates me. Lately I’ve been concerned about a health problem. After all these coincidences happened, I had a sudden strong intuition that the universe was telling me “not to worry”. When I told Cindy this, she hugged me and said “of course! You’ll be around a long time, you have too much to give!”
The idea of synchronicity is that the conceptual relationship of minds, defined by the relationship between ideas, is intricately structured in its own logical way and gives rise to relationships which have nothing to do with causal relationships in which a cause precedes an effect. Instead, causal relationships are understood as simultaneous–that is, the cause and effect occur at the same time. Synchronous events reveal an underlying pattern, a conceptual framework which encompasses, but is larger than, any of the systems which display the synchronicity.
I’ve got David Coons of Artscans Studios, a ex-color engineer and animation pioneer at Disney, working with Peggy Zuckerman of Creative Sales West, tackling the problem of how to get the color correct in my light boxes. I could not be more thrilled. I went to buy flowers an a bottle of wine to celebrate, and I got carded. When the guy found out my real age he was flabbergasted. I told my folks and they said “you have good genes.” Which is the damn truth. With the exception of my birth defect with my collagen, I definitely do. I told them before hanging up, “thanks for the genes.”
This is the piece that we’re trying to get color corrected. It runs too cool in the LED panel. Between the genius of John Weldon, David Coons, and Peggy Zuckerman, we’re gonna get this cutting edge technology right! I’m gonna sleep with a big smile plastered to my face tonight.
